pushin pennsylvanians

I realize it's been a while since I've talked much about main man Barack Obama, but don't worry- that doesn't mean I love him any less. Today is the Pennsylvania primaries. Who would have thought their votes would ever matter. Not that they really do this time either; they're already saying it's too close to declare a winner based on exit polls. BUMMER. I had a dream the other night that Hillary was finally just like "you know what? Obama is freakin AWESOME and i'm droppin out so he can win President!!!" <yes, some people do actually fantasize over such things to the point of dreaming about them>. Sadly, I woke up and she is stilll around. I really hope tonight is some determinant of what the future will hold. The longer they mess around, the greater lead McCain gains as he has more time to focus on the main campaign. I'm starting to get stressed out!!!

Obama made a comment last week that stole a bit of his momentum... I hate how everybody blows things WAY out of proportion in politics. Everybody's definitely good at the bullshit game, that's for sure (maybe that's why I'm so into politics? ) Anyways, he made some comments stating that poor people tend to turn to religion and ethnic ties (leading to nationalism and racism) in the wake of poverty. In fact, here it is in full for you:

"You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in
the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years. … And it’s not surprising
then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who
aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to
explain their frustrations”- Barack Obama

Ummmm DUH! It seemed so obviously true to me, yet McCain and Clinton tried to turn it around and say he was being an elitist. Aside from all the obvious reasons I feel he is right, I also found it interesting as I was doing some Human Security studies for one of my classes that there are a few intellects who have actually already said the SAME exact thing. With research. And evidence. In fact, whole books showing that the biggest problems of the next century will be based on the fact that scarcity leads to poverty which leads to major increase in violence, ethnic conflict, and desecuralization (aka turning to religion). You can look here for a few pages of summary about Kaplan's theory (jump down to p 188). After doing some research, it turns out I'm not the only one who agrees, and they say it much better than me.

I realize that really I should include a much broader description of exactly why Obama was right, and why McCain and Clinton were wrong in misinterpreting, and why Kaplan's "The Coming Anarchy" is freakin AWESOME. But then I got lazy and wanted to just rant about it a little, and hope I proved at least a bit of a point. This guy said it real good too, so if you're super interested, you can read him for better arguments.

Well needless to say, I love Obama. I wish that I didn't have school and work and I could just run away with his campaign (let me specifically clarify: with HIS CAMPAIGN, not with HIM. ya sickos!) But alas, here I am stuck in Provo, glued to CNN. Someday......

In other news: I TAKE MY LAST FINAL OF MY UNDERGRAD CAREER IN APPROXIMATELY 30MINUTES!!! No, don't ask why I'm blogging instead of studying, and YES congratulate me because I graduate in less than 48 hours. WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

how about now?

I think it's about time I head on over to Africa. I've only been talkin about it for the past 10 years...

why not staying in college forever sucks. kinda.

Yesterday was a READING day which is always oh-so-fun. I took the day off, giving me the wonderful opportunity of spending 12 hours straight on campus. Needless to say, by the end of the night I had a serious migraine. I'm sure the Sugar n Spice soft serve, J-Dawg's Polish, and Smart Cookie sandwich didn't exactly help... Generally I get migraines from not enough water, not enough sleep, or too much sugar. Hmm... wonder what's gonna happen when I combine all 3, plus a full day of cramming stuff into my brain?!? You would think I would learn. Yet, turns out after 8 full semesters I still pull the SAME stint every tiem finals roll around. Oh well, I'm graduating, so it couldn't have been TOO bad a plan, right? I've been thinking about April finals from the past 3 years...and what feels different and what feels the same this time around. (I apologize for all the introspection and sentimentalism lately... I can't make any promises of it stopping for at least the next week or so. Turns out graduating has some weird affects on your emotions)

Freshman year was plagued by a general lack of sleep, so of course finals just perpetuated the problem. All the boys were leaving on missions, and my best girl friends were transferring away... so of course we all had to spend EVERY second together. This left absolutely no time for sleep. On Saturday I drove home, and I remember calculating I had gotten literally less than 11 hours of sleep over the past 4 days. That sort of lifestyle canNOT be healthy. Steve and I car-trained to Vegas, and then he took off for Phoenix and I for San Diego. It is seriously a miracle I made it home alive! I remember Steve pulling over somewhere around St George (come on Steve, didn't we JUST stop for gas??) just checking to make sure I was alive. "Chrissy- you are swerving ALLLL over the freeway. Are you sure you're awake enough to drive???" OOPS.



The end of Sophomore year marked my grand gesture of independence. I had just broken off the "engagement" (I still don't know if it honestly qualifies as one.. so we'll go with near-engagement) and was ready to restart somewhere new. When you feel like your life and future have been dictated by one person for the last 9 months, there generally tends to be some sort of backlash. Great idea Chrissy-- move all the way across the country BY YOURSELF! After a quick stop at home, I drove from San Diego to Kentucky for a new job. Went with nobody, knew nobody (except my manager, that is), and had never been to the Mid-West. Ended up driving all over the damn country.. moved up to Chicago, and then later to Spokane, until I came back to Provo. It was the first time I was making all of my decisions on my own, and it was freakin rad.

Then there's the end of Junior year... the summer of a million bucks. We were SO sure we were going t come home from Minnesota rich. Anytime you have sure expectations for large amounts of money, all time-crunched decisions are bound to be bad ones. "Oh, just throw that away... I can buy a new one in September". Basically I gave away everything I own... including my car for a measly 100 bucks. Aaron and I spent countless hours in the library during finals week, trying to catch up from a semester spent slacking and playing with Greg and Alyssa (when your best friends aren't going to school, it makes it much harder to stay motivated) and then took off on a plane, bound for the craziest summer ever. The summer was a great one-- I'll definitly give it that, but I wouldn't exactly call it financially successful. Knocking doors also blows big time, so mostly I just remember lots of quality park time with Alyssa. And eventful weekends of course... which actually I don't really remember all that well... Came home real poor. OOPS. And now this year I feel like Freshman year is happening all over again... everybody separating, not knowing when we'll really see eachother again. I know we will- everyone will always just be a quick plane ride away (cuz we're all going to be rich and able to afford unlimited air travel, right???) but it's still just weird. I think it's especially weird this year because I'm saying bye to all the same friends as a I did freshman year. So rather than just having a few semesters of DT play time under our belts, we have FOUR YEARS of history. I know I am being ridiculously sentimental about all this, but truly I'm just going to miss it all. Of course it's bitter sweet, cuz I'm also SUPER STOKED at the propsect of not being stuck in Provo anymore, and having the chance to go out and do whatever, go wherever. Maybe I can dedicate some more time to a few out-of-towner friends...(Virg, Jan, Ioana, and the Dayleys to name a few :) But if I'm still around this time next year, kick my ass and put me on the next plane OUT of Utah. I have some BIG things I wanna do in the next couple years... and bummin around Provo forever doesn't happen to be one of them. On a final note, THANKS to all my wonderful friends for the plethora of comments on my last post. Really, you guys are the best and I wish it were really possible to express how much I freakin love you! You're more than welcome to keep up the comment trend.. can never have to many lovins!
xoxo

why not staying age 12 forever sucks.

I seem to have a lot of frustrations boiling on inside... but none of them are really stemmed from anything. For the first time in a long time (as in, maybe ever) I just don't have much of a desire to talk. Like I'd rather just listen, or write, or sit back and just take in what's around me. I talk a lot... I know anybody who knows me can attest to that... but what do I ever talk about that is important? Even when I'm writing- in here or in giant research papers or in letters or in my little yellow journal or in my countless doodle notebooks- I often wonder what I could be saying that matters anything at all. I write all these grandiose papers- why Slobodan Milosevic is a bad leader, why China should stop sucking (anything with "sucking" in the title has got to be grandiose, right?), how America should save the rest of the world, why the EU is growing in importance and rocks my world, how culture affects the health of women, theories of democratic peace and realism.

Do these sorts of things really matter? I would hope they do. Actually, I know they do. That's why I have loved my major so much I think. Every little thing I learn about has affected people- LOTS of people. Even though theory is ridiculously boring, it shapes governments and policies. Policies shape laws and laws shape lives. Lives shape the world, and the cycle continues. How cool is that??? Every sentence I read in every textbook affects the cycle of the world. Nothing I have ever written about was based on something nobody cares about or something that doesn't affect me. China affects me, what's going on in Darfur affects me, how women of the world are treated affects me, democratic peace affects me. And it affects you too.

Seneca (somebody important in ancient days) said, "we study world politics not because it is inherently interesting, but we believe it will determine the fate of the world".
How cool is that? Things I have studied will determine the fate of the world. I think that's why I chose my major... I just wanted to understand something beyond me... put the peices of the puzzle together and try to understand this big big world just a bit bit better. Sometimes it is SO frustrating to not be able to just understand it ALL. My classes have been hard for me and I've been confused a lot of the time. People are much smarter than me in these realms, and now that I'm done with it all I'm not even sure how I can apply all this jumbled and amazing information into my life. As much as I hate to admit it, I know I will miss this place...

Today's Top Frustrations

-not having a future plan

-having to wait 3 more days to find out about Teach for America

-my Capstone paper group

-poli sci kids who are obsessed with law school

-the fact that we have to redo huge chunks of our capstone paper

-thinking about everything i have to do in the next 220 hours before graduation

-merely thinking about my finance final. oh, how i detest that class

-not being able to wake up skinny

-possibilities of more snow

-people asking me what i'm doing next

-not having an answer for the people that ask what i'm doing next

-working so danged much

-not having a car

-friends who don't care

-my inability to make my sister happy on command

-the fact i can't fix all the world's problems

-the stupid jammed copy machine

ketch-up and mustard

Sorry for the major delay in updates... my brain truly melted after the whole capstone/TFA incident, and nothing even remotely interesting could come out of my fingers. Not that I'm making any promises today, but after a weekend of freedom I feel a bit more capable. Since we last spoke, This is my new favorite website. Thanks to Travis for introducing me to it. What can be better than countless hours of your favorite music, all for free? This has definitely been a lifesaver at work this past week. It has also lead me to discover that i lovvvve Counting Crows. Every time I'm listening to a song and go "wow, who is this??", usually it's them. Check it, check it. And here's Afton and I at Jake's rugby game. Aren't we the cutest?

Leesh dyed my hair last night... I'll put pictures up soon, but I think I'm going to wait til I get a haircut, cuz right now it looks a little dead. It's basically the same red I dyed it in Belgium (actually the exact same kind that Stijn helped me pick at GB) but just a little darker since it wasn't so light this time. Wow, as if anybody cares about my freakin hair...This just goes to prove the caliber of my thoughts the last few days. She also gave me a henna, though- which I'm in love with. I think I'll just have to start becoming a henna regular til I get over this tat-obsessive phase...

Work has been delightful, as always. I got TWO paychecks on Friday, thanks to my dual-job setup now, and it was such a relief! I hate myself when I'm in financial-woes mode, and I'm pretty sure everyone else does too. I just get so naggy and stressed. I think it's one of the only things in the world that makes me extremely pessimistic and downtrodden. Luckily, things are looking up now so I can stop being such a bonch. I owe my friends all my sanity for helping me stay afloat last month. Thanks for your patience! If any of you need anything (this includes spottin some spare change), please never hesitate to ask.

It's weird to think that I'll be graduating so soon. It's especially weird to think that I have no idea what that really means for me. I mean, what's next? I could leave school with a definite plan (like TFA saying: you're going to New York City to teach 9th grade for the next 2 years)... or I can be in absolute limbo, planning to just hang around Provo for a while. OR I can just start making up fake future plans- like I'm going to law school, I'm engaged, I'm moving to Nepal, or I'm planning to hitchhike the country. Utah people seem to really like the first two stories; I could probably pull all of them off (like people believing the story, not it actually happening)... at least in theory. Probably having a desire to go to law school, an existing relationship, or a little bit of fundage would be necessities for the first three. But I could hitchike the country on nothing, couldn't I? Maybe I better stick to option 4. Everyone already thinks I'm a crazy hippie, so it might just fit the bill. (Check out Aaron jumping over the fire... Freakin crazo. Our bonfire was accidentally HUGE.)

General Conference was this weekend, which was nice and inspiring. I didnt go in the fall (I was "busy in Brussels." Right....) so it feels like forever since I've been in the GC groove. Charisse had some extra tickets, so Annalicia and I rode up with her and a few other people in the ward. Despite living in Utah for the past 4 years, this was the first time I've actually got to go into the Conference Center. It was enjoyable... although when you accidentally fall asleep it's a LOT more awkward when you know everybody's watching. Yesterday afternoon Leesh and I went to my Uncle Scott's house with my grandparents to visit his family and watch conference. It was definitely enjoyable-- it's always good to get some family time in. I love when my grandparents are visiting- they give me hope about getting old.

Mountain Dew is my best friend this morning. Sleepovers with 4 people in one queen bed are NOT the best idea. So I blame YOU (you know who you are...) I'd have to say that Leesh rolling off onto the floor this morning was one of the funniest moments of my weekend. I totally thought she did it on accident and the THUD caught me totally off guard... Unfortunately I had to stifle the laughter cuz we still had some sleepers. Funny funny. But yeah, pretty sure spoon-trains on school nights might not be the best idea in the future.

Oh yeah, and it snowed this morning. WTF???

the magic four

Until I have time for a real post...

Four jobs I've had: 1. door to door salesman 2. research intern 3. secretary 4. call-center sales

Four places I've lived: 1. Deer Lake, WA 2. Oceanside, CA 3. Minneapolis, MN 4. Brussels, Belgium

Four movies that I love: 1. Fight Club 2. Juno 3. Across the Universe 4. Borat

Four favorite foods: 1. curry (Thai Ruby=heaven) 2. Durums 3. brownies and ice cream 4. sushi

Four weird things about me 1. im lactose-intolerant; ice cream makes me ill but i eat it anyways 2. i crush on EVERYONE (well, all males)- all for different reasons. i think this is why i'm bad at relationships. 3. usually i'm late on purpose 4. i hate sleeping by myself

Four favorite TV shows 1. The Office 2. Grey's Anatomy 3. Desperate Housewives 4. Gossip Girl (yes, i fully realize the last 3 are fully girly, dramatic, and possibly even lame. i can't help it!!! they have to replace the lack-of-drama in my own life)

Four places I'd love to go 1. Africa 2. Thailand 3. Nepal 4. Brazil

TAG, you're all it.

this girl's got NEEDS.

I had my FINAL Teach for America interview today. AHHHHH- so stressful. We all gave 5 minute lesson plans, did a team project pretending to be teachers planning a school activity, wrote responses to some article pre-readings we did, answered a bunch of questions (written) on this "problem solving" activity about absences in your school, and then had a question answer session. That was the first 4 hours... and then in the afternoon I had a private 45 minute interview. In case anybody I know every applies... now ya know what to look forward to. Basically it was an INTENSE day.
It actually wasnt as bad as I expected, and we all had a lot of fun together. Mostly it just "inspired me in the cause" of what TFA is all about. What a cool program! Educational discrepancy is SUCH a problem in our country. It's truly tragic. One of the articles we read pointed out that we are failing as a democracy because our education system completely overlooks an entire segment of the population. Regardless of whether I get into the program or now, it's really caused education reform to become a priority for me. No matter what happens, I'll always respect Teach for America and the mission it strives to fulfill. Any undergrads trying to figure out what to do after graduation should definitely look into it!!!

My Capstone paper (ya know.. that 50 page paper that determines if I graduate...) was also due today, so it's nice to have that FINISHED. Our group will get this version back and have one more chance to make improvements before it's sent in for final grading. The bulk of the work is done though, and it feels great! After 2 days of library, interviews, work, and intensity-- my brain feels like it may explode! I'm having a hard time carrying on normal conversations or walking in a straight line. I'm not really sure what it's gonna take to normalize again, so I've started to wonder what I need. I've been brainstorming but haven't found any solutions, so I decided to ask the fountain of all knowledge- Google . I tried asking Wikipedia but it wasn't as helpful--surprisingly enough. So according to Google....

-chrissy needs a few friends with open hearts and open arms
-chrissy really needs to face the facts
-chrissy needs to stop answering the phone
-chrissy needs needle-nose pliers to pull hair out of the shower drain
-chrissy needs some time to get to know you
-chrissy needs to get her shit together
-chrissy needs a car
-chrissy needs to ditch this guy
-chrissy needs God's guidance and help
-chrissy needs to ask Hillary Clinton to explain her hypocrisy

When you spend enough time with the Internet, it starts to get to know you REAL well. Creepy.