failed optimism with hopeful futures

An overall goal I have in life is to try to stay optimistic, and always look at the positive side of things and people. Lately I have been failing miserably at this endeavor!!! I have been so wrapped up in my own life and my own problems and my own stresses. I have just been SO selfish. I don't know where this major shift took place, but yesterday I was listening to myself just rant about something, and realized this really does need to stop. Sure, I may have more bills than I have the means to cover. Yes, I may get frustrated at family and friends for things they say and do. Sometimes I wish I were somewhere else (a foreign country maybe?) at a different stage of life (like, 30?), or that I at least had some direction in my life.

But despite all this, I have been SO blessed in my life. In comparing my lot with others, I can't believe I even dare complain about anything at all. On the bus going to and from work I like to just sit back and watch people; you definitely meet a crazy combination of people through public transportation. I was just watching some random people get on and off the bus, and tried to imagine some of the things they're going through. It is easy to tell that some of them are STRUGGLING. Mental disorders, struggling with unemployment, and even the guy with a HOOK for a hand. At least I have jobs, both hands, and my sanity!

I have the support of an amazing family, and I am lucky enough to have many great friends. Other people would die to have even just one friend as amazing as mine are. I've traveled throughout parts of the world that many others will only dream about. I have a roof over my head, and even if I can't necessarily afford to live in it, I know it will all work out and I'll be OK. I'll always have a bed to sleep in! I complain because I don't have my favorite brand of soymilk or that I don't have any new clothes... some people won't eat at all today, and will wear the same shirt for days and weeks. I am not starving, I am not living in poverty, and I have the freedom to do what I want and do what I want to do. How lucky am I?

The other day I mentioned I wish my life were like in The Giver- where they just pick out your life for you and plan it all out. Somehow I venture to think this might be easier for me. Suddenly it hit me that there truly ARE people living like that in this world-- not in some fiction book, but real people who live in such corrupt and messed up countries that their dictators tell them how to earn a living and what to do with their money, control where they live and where they can go (aka nowhere), and even how many kids they can have. My heart aches for them, yet I continue to sit around and mope about my struggles. Well enough of that, ladies and gentlemen; this girl needs to get her butt in gear! I think it's about time for some major changes around here...