In light of some recent family events, I decided to write a letter.
Anybody who actually knows me, realizes that my family is kind of CrAZyyyy. I love them to death, and for the most part things are pretty stable these days. Mom's happily married, Dad's happily living with his boyfriend (Also, my Dad is gay. This probably comes as news to a LOT of people. However, I'm sick of pretending it's not real. It's a part of my life. Deal.) and things are pretty mellow. Took ten years of psycho to get to this point... but I think we're in a good place. Whenever I think of high school though, all I can really remember is lots and lots of fights with my step-dad. I know there were lots of other good things during that time frame (there'd have to be, right???) but somehow I just remember lots of yelling.
Before you picture me as some snotty teenager whining in my parent's room about not being able to go to some stupid party, please stop and listen for a moment. There were all sorts of psychological and social reasons behind it (I'm sure a sociologist or psychiatrist would have a HAY DAY with my family), but let me assure you-stupid parties was not one of them. I think in almost any case, a strong willed completely independent teenager is going to struggle a little bit when a random father figure (also very strong willed) enters into their life with new plans for domination and power. (I really don't mean to make him sound like a bad person- cuz really he's not. I love the guy to death and have grown to respect and love him LOADS. But when I was 16, I thought my life was surely over.)
We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, neither of us was willing to give in, and so we argued pretty regularly. Even though this was a rough period, I don't really regret it at all. I don't wish he would've been easier on me, and I don't wish that I would have just bent to his rule. I learned and grew a lot- and really learned how to stand up for myself and not be walked on. (yes, I did obviously forget for a while, therefore letting a lot of dumbass boys treat me real crappy. but again- learning experience. moving on.)
So anyways, my dear and beloved little sister, Annalicia, had similar such struggles. However, she is much more passive (and nice) than I, and mostly just walked away from arguments and pretended like nothing they did bothered her. She doesn't think she's good at arguing and doesn't like confrontation so just never really stood up for herself. Well, as can be expected, the pattern has continued, and J-dawg picked a big fight about politics with her today. I'm sure he is just trying to protect her from her crazy liberal older sister (they are sure that I, along with all other Democrats, are wicked) but it came across totally wrong. He just bombarded her with all these random (and stupid and biased) "facts" about liberals and telling her that she should think for herself (as he tries to brainwash her) and steer clear of the liars and evil things of the world (aka voting for anyone but McCain--- where do crazy conservatives come up with this stuff??)
Ok, sorry- I get easily sidetracked into political rants. But we both just got really frustrated because Leesh isn't even that strong in politics anyways, really she could care less. If he really wanted to argue points and bash on liberals, he should be talking to ME. However, as I pointed out to Annalicia, he will not confront me with such conversations because he KNOWS I will not stand up for his crazy, unsubstantiated crap and will stand up for myself. She- being the weary, already bitter at him, nice girl that she is- will say nothing back and just sit and let it fester and fesssterrrr and FESTTERRRRRR.
So, which method is better--- fighting back all the time, or passively accepting and ignoring? (maybe someone can shed some light or experience???) I don't know really-- but I obviously prefer my method. There are no secrets between my parents and I, they know where I stand on all issues, and they no longer use brainwashing methods to induce obedience. We had some ROCKY times this year-- but I was honest throughout the whole thing, and now things are lookin up. So, since I love my own method so much, I decided to pretend I was Annalicia. If he said things like that to me, and I were her, how would I react? So, I came up with this letter. It's mostly for Leesh... in fact this whole post is mostly for Leesh... as nobody else probably cares or gets what the heck I am saying (and are probably still in shock about the my-dad-is-gay thing; feel free to speak freely about it, it's not a touchy subject) This will likely be one of those lower-comment-count entries... oh well. Next time I'll be funny, promise.
Dear Dad,
Stop trying to brainwash me. I'm a big girl and I have a big brain. You always think of me as a weak and malleable soul who you can walk all over because you think everyone else does too. I have my own opinions, my own thoughts. I have a deep mind and I am not quick to draw conclusions. I think it's unfair for you to assume I sway with the moving fads and crowd. This does not apply to any other aspect of my life- why would it apply to politics?
All throughout high school you treated me like a lesser person because I stand up for what I think, and live the way I want to live. Because I am unique, dress differently, am into art instead of sports, and have a hard time making decisions, or occasionally make bad ones, you have judged me as unintelligent and incapable.
I am living on my own, I am paying everything on my own, I am making smart decisions with my finances (like taking a semester off to avoid going into debt), I got into a good college, I have chosen a major I know I will love and excel in. I am learning a lot about others, myself, and life EVERY MINUTE. Yet you still treat me like a sheepish little girl.
I am so bitter with you, and with Sheri, STILL over old circumstances. I feel like my relationship with you deteriorated after we all got married, and I never developed a strong bond with Sheri. I know a big part of that is my fault and based on my attitude-- growing up does help to shed light on past mistakes.
However- I think the bulk of this problem was founded on your direct FAILURE to accept me for who I am, and love me for who I am. And yet here you go again, judging something I have developed as a part of me (my more liberal mindsets) as wrong, unvalidated, and unsubstantiated. When will you let me just grow up, and accept that grown up version of myself?
Regards,
Annalicia
Anybody who actually knows me, realizes that my family is kind of CrAZyyyy. I love them to death, and for the most part things are pretty stable these days. Mom's happily married, Dad's happily living with his boyfriend (Also, my Dad is gay. This probably comes as news to a LOT of people. However, I'm sick of pretending it's not real. It's a part of my life. Deal.) and things are pretty mellow. Took ten years of psycho to get to this point... but I think we're in a good place. Whenever I think of high school though, all I can really remember is lots and lots of fights with my step-dad. I know there were lots of other good things during that time frame (there'd have to be, right???) but somehow I just remember lots of yelling.
Before you picture me as some snotty teenager whining in my parent's room about not being able to go to some stupid party, please stop and listen for a moment. There were all sorts of psychological and social reasons behind it (I'm sure a sociologist or psychiatrist would have a HAY DAY with my family), but let me assure you-stupid parties was not one of them. I think in almost any case, a strong willed completely independent teenager is going to struggle a little bit when a random father figure (also very strong willed) enters into their life with new plans for domination and power. (I really don't mean to make him sound like a bad person- cuz really he's not. I love the guy to death and have grown to respect and love him LOADS. But when I was 16, I thought my life was surely over.)
We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, neither of us was willing to give in, and so we argued pretty regularly. Even though this was a rough period, I don't really regret it at all. I don't wish he would've been easier on me, and I don't wish that I would have just bent to his rule. I learned and grew a lot- and really learned how to stand up for myself and not be walked on. (yes, I did obviously forget for a while, therefore letting a lot of dumbass boys treat me real crappy. but again- learning experience. moving on.)
So anyways, my dear and beloved little sister, Annalicia, had similar such struggles. However, she is much more passive (and nice) than I, and mostly just walked away from arguments and pretended like nothing they did bothered her. She doesn't think she's good at arguing and doesn't like confrontation so just never really stood up for herself. Well, as can be expected, the pattern has continued, and J-dawg picked a big fight about politics with her today. I'm sure he is just trying to protect her from her crazy liberal older sister (they are sure that I, along with all other Democrats, are wicked) but it came across totally wrong. He just bombarded her with all these random (and stupid and biased) "facts" about liberals and telling her that she should think for herself (as he tries to brainwash her) and steer clear of the liars and evil things of the world (aka voting for anyone but McCain--- where do crazy conservatives come up with this stuff??)
Ok, sorry- I get easily sidetracked into political rants. But we both just got really frustrated because Leesh isn't even that strong in politics anyways, really she could care less. If he really wanted to argue points and bash on liberals, he should be talking to ME. However, as I pointed out to Annalicia, he will not confront me with such conversations because he KNOWS I will not stand up for his crazy, unsubstantiated crap and will stand up for myself. She- being the weary, already bitter at him, nice girl that she is- will say nothing back and just sit and let it fester and fesssterrrr and FESTTERRRRRR.
So, which method is better--- fighting back all the time, or passively accepting and ignoring? (maybe someone can shed some light or experience???) I don't know really-- but I obviously prefer my method. There are no secrets between my parents and I, they know where I stand on all issues, and they no longer use brainwashing methods to induce obedience. We had some ROCKY times this year-- but I was honest throughout the whole thing, and now things are lookin up. So, since I love my own method so much, I decided to pretend I was Annalicia. If he said things like that to me, and I were her, how would I react? So, I came up with this letter. It's mostly for Leesh... in fact this whole post is mostly for Leesh... as nobody else probably cares or gets what the heck I am saying (and are probably still in shock about the my-dad-is-gay thing; feel free to speak freely about it, it's not a touchy subject) This will likely be one of those lower-comment-count entries... oh well. Next time I'll be funny, promise.
Dear Dad,
Stop trying to brainwash me. I'm a big girl and I have a big brain. You always think of me as a weak and malleable soul who you can walk all over because you think everyone else does too. I have my own opinions, my own thoughts. I have a deep mind and I am not quick to draw conclusions. I think it's unfair for you to assume I sway with the moving fads and crowd. This does not apply to any other aspect of my life- why would it apply to politics?
All throughout high school you treated me like a lesser person because I stand up for what I think, and live the way I want to live. Because I am unique, dress differently, am into art instead of sports, and have a hard time making decisions, or occasionally make bad ones, you have judged me as unintelligent and incapable.
I am living on my own, I am paying everything on my own, I am making smart decisions with my finances (like taking a semester off to avoid going into debt), I got into a good college, I have chosen a major I know I will love and excel in. I am learning a lot about others, myself, and life EVERY MINUTE. Yet you still treat me like a sheepish little girl.
I am so bitter with you, and with Sheri, STILL over old circumstances. I feel like my relationship with you deteriorated after we all got married, and I never developed a strong bond with Sheri. I know a big part of that is my fault and based on my attitude-- growing up does help to shed light on past mistakes.
However- I think the bulk of this problem was founded on your direct FAILURE to accept me for who I am, and love me for who I am. And yet here you go again, judging something I have developed as a part of me (my more liberal mindsets) as wrong, unvalidated, and unsubstantiated. When will you let me just grow up, and accept that grown up version of myself?
Regards,
Annalicia
4 comments:
how come i never knew your dad is gay?! me and him could totally be BFF's!
thanks laddday. i wuvva wuvva wuuuuvaa you :)
i love love love you both. and yay that your dad is gay. i hope he is happy and i still want to meet him. you and leesh are both beautiful, strong, spirited women and any man, romantic or not, should be honored to be a part of your lives.
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