I seem to have a lot of frustrations boiling on inside... but none of them are really stemmed from anything. For the first time in a long time (as in, maybe ever) I just don't have much of a desire to talk. Like I'd rather just listen, or write, or sit back and just take in what's around me. I talk a lot... I know anybody who knows me can attest to that... but what do I ever talk about that is important? Even when I'm writing- in here or in giant research papers or in letters or in my little yellow journal or in my countless doodle notebooks- I often wonder what I could be saying that matters anything at all. I write all these grandiose papers- why Slobodan Milosevic is a bad leader, why China should stop sucking (anything with "sucking" in the title has got to be grandiose, right?), how America should save the rest of the world, why the EU is growing in importance and rocks my world, how culture affects the health of women, theories of democratic peace and realism.
Do these sorts of things really matter? I would hope they do. Actually, I know they do. That's why I have loved my major so much I think. Every little thing I learn about has affected people- LOTS of people. Even though theory is ridiculously boring, it shapes governments and policies. Policies shape laws and laws shape lives. Lives shape the world, and the cycle continues. How cool is that??? Every sentence I read in every textbook affects the cycle of the world. Nothing I have ever written about was based on something nobody cares about or something that doesn't affect me. China affects me, what's going on in Darfur affects me, how women of the world are treated affects me, democratic peace affects me. And it affects you too.
Seneca (somebody important in ancient days) said, "we study world politics not because it is inherently interesting, but we believe it will determine the fate of the world".
How cool is that? Things I have studied will determine the fate of the world. I think that's why I chose my major... I just wanted to understand something beyond me... put the peices of the puzzle together and try to understand this big big world just a bit bit better. Sometimes it is SO frustrating to not be able to just understand it ALL. My classes have been hard for me and I've been confused a lot of the time. People are much smarter than me in these realms, and now that I'm done with it all I'm not even sure how I can apply all this jumbled and amazing information into my life. As much as I hate to admit it, I know I will miss this place...
Do these sorts of things really matter? I would hope they do. Actually, I know they do. That's why I have loved my major so much I think. Every little thing I learn about has affected people- LOTS of people. Even though theory is ridiculously boring, it shapes governments and policies. Policies shape laws and laws shape lives. Lives shape the world, and the cycle continues. How cool is that??? Every sentence I read in every textbook affects the cycle of the world. Nothing I have ever written about was based on something nobody cares about or something that doesn't affect me. China affects me, what's going on in Darfur affects me, how women of the world are treated affects me, democratic peace affects me. And it affects you too.
Seneca (somebody important in ancient days) said, "we study world politics not because it is inherently interesting, but we believe it will determine the fate of the world".
How cool is that? Things I have studied will determine the fate of the world. I think that's why I chose my major... I just wanted to understand something beyond me... put the peices of the puzzle together and try to understand this big big world just a bit bit better. Sometimes it is SO frustrating to not be able to just understand it ALL. My classes have been hard for me and I've been confused a lot of the time. People are much smarter than me in these realms, and now that I'm done with it all I'm not even sure how I can apply all this jumbled and amazing information into my life. As much as I hate to admit it, I know I will miss this place...
Today's Top Frustrations
-not having a future plan
-having to wait 3 more days to find out about Teach for America
-my Capstone paper group
-poli sci kids who are obsessed with law school
-the fact that we have to redo huge chunks of our capstone paper
-thinking about everything i have to do in the next 220 hours before graduation
-merely thinking about my finance final. oh, how i detest that class
-not being able to wake up skinny
-possibilities of more snow
-people asking me what i'm doing next
-not having an answer for the people that ask what i'm doing next
-working so danged much
-not having a car
-friends who don't care
-my inability to make my sister happy on command
-the fact i can't fix all the world's problems
-the stupid jammed copy machine
9 comments:
well my darling i love everything you have to say and i missed you not talking last night that's why i texted you in the middle of the night. i think you are simply wonderful. and i know you think you have nothing to say ( i get the point you're trying to make about just being a college kid) but i just think you are the smartest girl and the sweetest! I have been thinking a lot lately how much of a gracious person you are; i have been trying for years to try and be gracious and you are SUCH a WONDERFUL example of that to me. Thank you for always giving people the benefit of the doubt. Someday you will promote notions and ideas that will blow people's minds and they'll be qouting you on their blogs. mark my words. i love you and i'll call you later sorry this is so long and random! Later lover!
i was running on three hours of sleep, 11 hours of people yelling at me, about 300 calories, and one little thing we ladies like to call pms. sorry for being so difficult. i'm immature. love you lots and lots and lots, and i agree with lib- the most gracious and giving person i know is you. you give and give and i take and take and you give and give. thanks for being my savior here in provo. i don't know what i'd do without you. you rock and i love you.
also, i really appreciate you a lot. also, i really love you lot.
I don't quite see how the title applies, but I am glad I am your friend. And if you don't get the TFA thing, first I am deeply sorry, and second you can be my nanny. No money just food.
fjawzr
my girl. i love you and totally feel what ur saying right now. i noticed you didnt talk as much this weekend and stuff was on your mind. I'm so glad I got to see you and wish it was everyday and we could have good talks. sometimes i look at this world and am so amazed at how each little thing that every little person that i will never meet affects me. You are a wonderful woman and do great things and shape the world just by your thoughts. I love you and im hating my frustrations and dont understand why life cant just be easier, even after we've been through so much shit. does it ever get easier? and NO, It Doesnt. We aren't mediocre, so we aren't meant for mediocre things. We've just gotta rise above and be who we want to be. I freakin love you so much. And don't stress over school crap...you can do it. u are chrissy barnes! call me, text me, whatev...i will pray for the T4A Decision!
Love love
that was greg. he needs to learn people assume its me unless he specifies. Either by name or saying something ridiculous. That was neither. I agree with the whole sentiment pretty much, though.
why not staying age 12 forever sucks: I can't play Duck Hunt all day long.
Today's Top Ten Frustrations:
1. I have to wait another 6 possibly 7 days to see you.
2. Who knew graduation could be so stressful? Travel, hotel, family time, blah blah blah. All I want to do turn over that tassel and grab a burrito at Rio.
3. I share similar frustrations with you on the talking thing.
4. I'm on Life Plan #93183029.
5. I wish I had more money too.
6. Somebody dipped into my secret stash of Junior Mints, for the THIRD time.
7. I wish my smile was as white as yours.
8. I wish my hair was as long as yours.
9. I wish my hair was red like yours.
10. Instead, my Amalie bangs are misbehaving.
I'm totally with you on the possibility of more snow... that does stink. And just so you know you are not alone, I KNOW exactly how you feel. I have been there myself.
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